That Bearded Mofo

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TBM: Goodbyes To Byes. Good!

image shaved off

We've made history, people. After losses to all top three teams this week, the best record any team can finish with is 9-4. This means, for the first time since the Gateway Fantasy Football League began in 2005, no team will finish with double digit wins in the regular season. Truly, the most competitive year ever.

This week, Dub, Pope and Gridy put up a snoozefest; Team Perfection went big, but Savage Life went biggest and did it without a kicker; and last place Black Magic comes strong near season's end once again, putting up the 3rd most points of the week and also with only 7 guys. And not a single close game; the smallest margin of victory was 17 points. This was truly a blowout week.

Quick Screwy shoutouts to Matt Hasselbeck (5 pts), Willis McGahee (-1 pt), David Nelson and Brandon Marshall (each 1 pt), Matthew Stafford (42 points for thumping That Bearded Mofo), and Torrey Smith (28 pts on the bench). No ceremony means no award, but you did truly, truly terrible work this week. Nice job.

So, it's Thanksgiving time. That time for thankfulness. And that time when I reach into the old Bearded Mofo mailbag to see what you, the sports world, and everyone in the news is truly thankful for this holiday season.

R. Perry from Texas writes,
I'm thankful for three things: my family, my health, and... and, uh, and... let's see. It's uh... Let me check my notes. I can't, the third one. Oops.

Dan M. from STLiens HQ writes,
I'm thankful I still have a chance to make the playoffs. No thanks to Mike Vick.

Mike S. from Gridy HQ writes,
I'm thankful I can get an early pick next year.

Demerrio G. from Gladiators HQ writes,
I'm thankful there's a limit to the amount of games you can lose in a row. Right?

Norv T. from San Diego writes,
Nope. *sigh*

G. Oden from Portland writes,
I'm thankful I haven't been injured this season. 'Cause there is no season. Ha ha--Ow! My kneecap just broke. All I did was take a sip of water. Man, this is messed up--Owww! Man, I just fractured my ear. How does that even happen???

Rodney B. from Savage Life HQ writes,
I'm thankful for Aaron Rodgers.

Ryan B. from Team Perfection HQ writes,
I'm thankful for Vincent Jackson, Victor Cruz, and Jordy Nelson. Oh, and Julio Jones. And Andre Johnson. (And Philip Rivers and Arian Foster.) Title please!

Marlon G. from Black Francis Soyer HQ writes,
I'm thankful Chris Johnson got paid. He really really really deserves it. Really.
TBM: I'm detecting sarcasm.

Rex R. from New York writes,
I'm thankful I now know it costs 75 f**kin' thousand dollars to get caught on camera cursing out a fan. I'm saving up for the next one and I'm taking donations.

Demarco D. from Hitmen HQ writes,
I'm thankful I won so many games early on that these last three stinkers don't matter.

Twon H. from Dub, Pope HQ writes,
I'm thankful for those stinkers.

J. McDaniels from St. Louis writes,
I'm thankful I found work immediately after getting booted out of Denver. I'm not as bad a coach as John Elway thinks.
TBM: Wait... St. Louis? So you're the reason!!!

Alphonso W. from Madden Curse HQ writes,
I'm thankful I get to spend this Thanksgiving watching football with my brother...and destroying him!
TBM: Aw, that's sweet. It's nice to see family togeth--Hey, wait a minute!

Terry W. from That Bearded Mofo HQ writes,
I'm thankful the bye weeks are over. I've been shuffling through backup players like Kim Kardashian shuffles through boyfriends.
TBM: Ba-Zing!

A. Kutcher from Hollywood writes,
I'm thankful I'm not married to an old lady anymore. Ooooh, what'd I say?

Nathaniel H. from Black Magic writes,
I'm thankful the season is almost over. Obviously.

Anton M. from Mac Attack HQ writes,
I'm thankful all my many many transactions have paid off. Many many. Many many many many many. Many.

Saint Louis from The Mighty Mighty MO writes,
I'm thankful I'm not listed as the most dangerous city in the country this year. In fact, I didn't even make the list... The list of the top two! Third!! They say I'm the third most dangerous!!! That's an outrage! I've never hurt a fly. Oooh, when I get my hands on these list makers I'm gonna bash-- some potatoes and make them a nice dinner so we can talk this out. Yeah, that's it. I'm gonna hang-- their coats up, and then I'll cut-- them a break. That's it.

And I'll kill them.

TBM: (o_O) You always say such...wonderful things?

Enough of the mailbag, bring on the stuffing. Have a happy Thanksgiving everybody. And remember, if your belt doesn't come unbuckled, you're doing it wrong. Truly.

~That Cranberry Sauce Hatin' Mofo~

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