It's All About You
Published Tue Oct 14, 2014 11:40pm PST
Ummm... I got nothing.
I got nothing for you this week, so I'm mailing it in. Or, actually, you are.
As I look into my email inbox, I find a season of tenmories message from RAC ON RAC ON RACKS coach Demerrio.
Demerrio G. from RAC ON RAC ON RACKS HQ writes,
It was 2006. I was invited to join the Gateway Fantasy Football League.
As a true Raider's fan, sometimes the highlight of the football season is that last day or two leading up to the first game of the season. So much hope. We're still in contention; still a chance to win it all! All too often, the emotional roller coaster heads downhill from there. So the idea of looking forward to something else other than Raider football each week was inconceivable. However, like G-Money introduced Nino to crack in New Jack City, Anton introduced me to fantasy football: my very own team that, while I can't control how each player performs, I can influence through strategy and analytics. And it just so happens that I am a very competitive person, so this was beyond belief.
That first year, all the smack talking/texting among our teams started early and it just so happens that my first rivalry was against the team I would end up facing so many years later in my first Super Bowl win: Hitmen. So, for me, this game this week will be a classic throwback N.K.T.B. (New Kid on the Block) versus Hitmen. In the immortal words of Terrell Owens, "get your popcorn ready!"
I realize we've all gotten older and responsibilities have us focused on life, but let's reignite those competitive spirits. Where is the Fantasy Football Psychic? Hitmen, Da,Pope, where you at? Black Francis Soyer, I need you to kick a verse. Black, you've gotten too damn serious. It's year TEN and I have nothing but fond memories of playing this fantasy football game. And I will be the first REPEAT CHAMPION (RACS DYNASTY).
RRRACS!
Wow. You heard him, folks. Season of tenmories. Big thanks for sharing, Demerrio.
We'll continue dipping into my emails from around the world in a moment. But first, we gotta pay some bills with the following advertisement: a teaser for the upcoming, soon-to-be hit film Good Cop, Bitch Cop.
Was that... Was that who I think that was? *shrug* Whatever. Onto That Bearded Emailbag.
Anton M. from ARMAGEDDON HQ writes,
Mofo, when will A.J. Green be back? This week? Week 8?
TBM: I'm not a clairvoyant.
Anton M.: Week 9?
Seahawks 12th Man from Seattle writes,
We lost at home. To the Cowboys. Wha' happen'?
TBM: Wait a minute. 12th Man? I don't get it. Are you a person or an idea?
Anton M.: Week 10? Help me out!
TBM: How did you get back in here???
B. Hoyer from Cleveland writes,
Everyone thought I'd be benched for Manziel. But we're 3-2 and over .500 under me. When do I get my Snickers commercial since they're handing them out to scrubs?
TBM: Do fans ask you to sign their Manziel jerseys?
Mike S. from Detox HQ writes,
I'm trading away all my players for next year's draft. It's over for me this year.
Ryan B. from Allstate Mayhem HQ writes,
I'm trading away all my next year's draft for players. It's over for me next year.
Dan M. from STLiens HQ writes,
I may have slipped from that number 1 spot I had in the power rankings 5 weeks ago, but I'm still in the top 4.
TBM: Did you know that the Detroit Lions are in 4th place in the NFC? Eagles, Cowboys, Cardinals, then Lions. The Lions are top four. You could say you're the Lions. Does that feel good?
M. Goldberg formerly from a Fox NFL broadcast booth writes,
Fox removed me from calling games just because I didn't know Golden Tate played for the Vikings. ... Wait, I meant Golden Jennings. I mean Gordon Jennings. I mean Gordon Shumway. ... Nope, I'm being told that that's ALF. It's G. Jennings. It is G. Jennings, right? Yeah, G. Jennings plays for the Mississippi Vikings.
TBM: Nailed it.
Alphonso W. from The Black & The Goaled HQ writes,
Sometimes, I sleep with a Le'Veon Bell doll nuzzled under my chin.
TBM: Oh. Okay. That's not...weird.
Alphonso W.: Yes, it is. *whispers*But, I don't care*whispers*.
Terry W. from GameTime Decision HQ writes,
Hey, did you see me in that Good Cop, Bitch Cop teaser?
TBM: I knew it! I knew that was him-- er, me-- uh, him-- no, me. ... I... I need help.
Sonny F. Jr. from Philadelphia writes,
Hey Mofo, I'm a Vietnam vet. I was singing at the Eagles game Sunday and some broad ran off with my prosthetic leg!
TBM: Well, we know she wasn't with the Giants because they didn't walk off with anything from that game.
Marlon G. from Black Francis Soyer HQ writes,
TBM, did you know that through 6 weeks there have been 8 times where a Gateway team scored 130 or more and lost?
Twon H. from Da,Pope HQ writes,
BM--
TBM: Never call me BM.
Twon H.: Bearded Mofo, did you know that through 6 weeks there have been 7 times where a Gateway team scored 155 or more?
Rodney B. from Savage Life HQ writes,
That Dude, did you know that through 6 weeks there have been 11 times where a Gateway team failed to get to 100 points?
TBM: Thank you for doing all that research, fellas. But I'm not sure what it all means.
Demarco D. from Hitmen HQ writes,
Did you know I've had the most of those below-100 outings with 3? Yet I still have a winning 4-2 record.
TBM: Okay, I think I understand what it all means now. It means "any given Sunday", "it ain't over 'til it's over", and "play 'til the whistle".
Nathaniel H. from B.F. Vandal Savages HQ writes,
I'm not tanking. But if I win another game this season, I'll be damned surprised.
TBM: I just said, "Any. Given. Sunday."
B. Bortles from Jacksonville writes,
Does that mean we'll win a ga--
TBM: No.
J-Law from Hollywood writes,
I'm in love with Larry David and I feel it below the belt for him.*
*Jennifer Lawrence actually said this
TBM: So you're telling me that this...
...wants some of this?
Okay. Lombardi, you wanna take this for me?
That's all for the emailbag this week.
We reach the mid-point of the season with Week 7's games meaning next week's report will be on the state of the league. Every game does matter, but more for some than others. This week's matchups are:
The aforementioned (4-2) RAC ON RAC ON RACKS versus (4-2) Hitmen
The lopsided (5-1) GameTime Decision versus (0-6) Detox
The tightly matched (2-4) Allstate Mayhem versus (1-5) B.F. Vandal Savages
The hunger games-ish (4-2) Savage Life versus (3-3) The Black & The Goaled
The separating (4-2) ARMAGEDDON versus (4-2) STLiens
The also (3-3) Black Francis Soyer versus (2-4) Da,Pope
And it just so happens that the 2nd through 7th place teams all fight amongst each other this mid-term week. What are the odds of that? Makes it harder for me to get a jump on next week's evaluation. Which means I'll have a short turnaround period after the Monday night games. Which means I could be starting next week the same way I started this one:
"I got nothing."
~That Blank Mofo~