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Published Wed Oct 31, 2012 9:00am PST
You know what sucks more than losing by one and a half points, Freeworld? Losing by half a point. We got teased this week. Which I guess is appropriate for Halloween.
All trick, no treat.
All glove, no love.
I don't know what that means. Don't hassle me. I'm grieving.
With Jack Frost freezing out the Midwest, Hurricane Sandy f@#$ing up the East Coast, and earthquakes C-walking along the West Coast, it appears the Mayan end of days calendar may be turning that page. How's about we comfort ourselves with a pot pie and a familiar game?
It's time again for the association game, where we connect the dots like Sherlock Homeboy. For instance, is it really possible that the world's oldest teacher is 99?
>
>
>
99 years > 99 problems > Problem Child > "Stay in school"
I reckon so in only 3 links. And remember, the shorter the chain, the stronger the possibilities. Let's get started.
Association 1
Rumor has it that recording star Usher spent 12 grand on a puppy dog. He knows you can get those for free at the pound right?
Usher > Church > "Chuch!" > Big Boi, Daddy Fat Sax > DFS > Division of Family Services > You're bad for the kids > Jerry Sandusky > "You can't touch this!" > MC Hammer > MC Squared > E=MC² > Einstein > Crazy hair > Trump > Boob > Boob job > $12,000 Puppies
It took a minute, but 17 connections say Usher spent it.
Association 2
A Chinese man sued his wife for being ugly...and he won! Man, China does not spare feelings, do they?
Ugly wife > Kill yo' self > Tony Scott (director) > Tony Scott (radio host) > Majic 104.9 > Magic Johnson > Magic Mike > Male stripper > Wire stripper > The Wire > The Bunk > The Dude > The Thing > Fantastic 4 > Fantastic Voyage > "Just slide, slide, slippety slide" > Slip and fall > Monetary award
With 17 connections, all I wanna say is that, they don't really care about the ladies in China. But Mofo loves the ladies. Shout out to my half billion Chinese mamacitas.
Association 3
Rumor has it--and by rumor, I mean fact--that the Washington Redskins have two RG3s at the QB position: Robert Griffin, III and Rex Grossman, III. Does that make any sense?
Redskins > Small potatoes > No potatoes > Neutered > Tutored > Tootie > The Facts of Life > "You take the good, you take the bad" > Take the money and run > Bank job > The Italian Job > The Book of Job > The Book of Mormon > Mormon > Morgan > Tracy Morgan > Captain Morgan > hungover > The Hangover, Part II > Redundant
Did this question make any sense? No, but we found 19 connections out of asking it. So that's...you know. A number.
Association 4
A Brazilian Phys Ed student has auctioned off her virginity for $780,000. First of all, ain't that prostitution? And second of all, is she worth that much?
3/4 of a million dollars > An Atlanta mansion or a San Francisco shithouse > Latrine > LeBron > The Decision > Indecision 2012 > The Daily Show > The Daily Planet > Superman > Invincible > Unbreakable > Mr. Glass > Brittle Bone Disease > Greg Odin > The Curious Case of Benjamin Button > Brad Pitt > Angelina Jolie > One hot mama
For the 3rd time today, 17 connections. Must be a good week to play number 17 on your lotto ticket. You might win enough to buy a Brazilian and 3 puppies.
We've got 4 conference games and 2 not this week. The 2 nots look to be slobberknockers between G O O D G A W D (4-4) / Hand Me Your Wallace (4-4) and RAC ON RAC ON RACKS (6-2) / Hitmen (5-3). The 4 conference games...yeah, who cares?
But I do care about finishing what I started. So let's finish this off with one last association.
Association 5
Who's got the slam dunk victory in this week's matchup of Savage Life versus That Bearded Mofo?
Slam dunk > Slam brakes > Big screech > Big Meech > Rick Ross > That Bearded Mofo
Only 5 connections. Well, okay then. The association game has never lied before.
Good luck in what's sure to be a screwy week 9. 'Til next time.
~That Connected Mofo~